how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
