Sponge bath it is.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
