dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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