I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
