you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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