do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
