i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
