you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
