matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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