I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so let's talk penis.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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