The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
