READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
