I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
