i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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