I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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