Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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