Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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