There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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