There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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