You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
