The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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