Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize