I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize