just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize