rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
