Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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