I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
