the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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