I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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