So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
