So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
