if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
