i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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