I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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