Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
