You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
