I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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