I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
