I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
