My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
