Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i think i have two assholes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
