he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
