Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
