Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
