swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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