six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
