We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
