Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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