I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
