i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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