So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
