I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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