Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
