Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.