I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.