I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.