C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...