I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now