good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
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I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.