the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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