you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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