i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
