This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
