she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
