You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
